Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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