Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
