I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
