sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
