At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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