Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pants are for mortals
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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