i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
