went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
