I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
