Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
