I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
