I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's blow job season.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
did i just pee glitter
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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