If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
