Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
