filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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