so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
