dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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