The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
