I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
