You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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