Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
