Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
