I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
