dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
