my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
