Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
