I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
