i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
