Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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