so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
