hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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