don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
