I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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