i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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