Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
