Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
