Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
