I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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