Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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