I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
