dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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