i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
