my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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