im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
