Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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