Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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