two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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