We're like a lot better than the average bears
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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