the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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