I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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