FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
