He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
