she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
