Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
