The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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