I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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