Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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