felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
