I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize